A Mother’s Reflection

How did I get here?

I’m sitting in a large hallway that is filled with mismatched chairs. In these chairs are nervous parents. Some are working on their computer, some are knitting, most are on their phones. I’m one of those parents. In this hallway there is a gray door labeled 202. Behind the door I hear beautiful piano music. It’s not a concert though, or someone just playing for enjoyment.

Behind that door is 30 teenagers chasing their dream of attending NYU Tisch.

The audition started an hour and half ago. Finleigh lined up first and grabbed the audition number 1. This doesn’t surprise me one bit. She went in right at noon, an hour before the audition started, and I haven’t seen her since.

I guess I got here because we encouraged our little girl to chase her dreams. We told her that she can do anything she wants.

So, here I sit on this cold, sunny day in NYC. This little girl of mine wants to live in NYC, study at Tisch and follow her dream of becoming a choreographer.

The thought of this totally terrifies me. I can’t even begin to imagine her living a “plane ride” away from me. How will I protect her? How will I keep her safe? Who will her friends be? Will she meet nice people? Will she get homesick?

This is where I have to sit back and know that while Finleigh is my child, she is a more importantly a child of God. He knows her heart, her passions and where she is best suited.

So here I set, clinging to the belief that God knows where she should be this fall. What He wants is best. Period. It does give me great peace knowing that as much as I love her, He loves her so much more.

I have been praying for the last hour for her to shine, takes risks, be present, for His will to be done-and that we will be at peace with it.

Of course I want her to get a call back. She has her solo prepared and I know she will do amazing. So, I’ll sit and wait until the gray door opens…

She made it through!

A Father’s Exhortation

This is your goal

You’re ready

You’ve worked for it

You’ve put the time in

You’ve put the energy in

You’re the person for this

You’re the real deal

You’re inspiring

You’re prepared

You’re qualified

You deserve it

See it

Go take it

It’s yours

You own it

Speak it

Go after it

This is it

Take Hold of it

Make it count

Everything you got

Leave your heart and soul on the floor

Make them remember who you are

They will remember who you are

Go take what’s yours

You are worthy of this

This is your goal

Labeled

Look around. It’s hard not to find something that has been labeled. Labeled by someone before you. A mark to indicate what one should consider in the moment.

Labels are a path to exploration. Without a label we haven’t a place to start.

Some labels protect us from things like deadly allergic reactions or dangerous interactions.

Labels and symbols are everywhere. Notice what they are telling you to think. How big is the label. Is it fine print? Is it in your face? Is it helpful?

We are being influenced constantly. We must ask, do I need this? Is this helpful?

Always reach for the last cookie

I believe you should always reach for the last cookie.

Look at it.  It’s waiting on you.  Calling you to collect it, to consume it.  It wants your attention.

You are not alone.  There are others who want this cookie too.

You can feel it.  Them.  The others.  The tension. The ones with the drool and eyes like daggers.

The tension of not wanting to be rude.  The promise of being polite.  Being seen as giving and sacrificial.  Putting others first.

The tension of eating another one, when you’ve already had two.

The tension of not letting a good thing go to waste.  The box can now be thrown away if you could just get rid of the cookie.

In the moment, you wait.  You hesitate. Contemplating this tension.  Then. The unthinkable happens.  Someone else reaches in and takes it.  It’s gone. The moment is lost.. You feel empty.  Lost. Wishing you had reached first, but glad that the tension is gone.

Oh the emotional trauma this one little cookie has inflicted.

Next time.  Reach for it.  Charge through the resistance. Now that you have reached, you have an opportunity.

An opportunity to create a moment of sharing.  For one cookie can become many.

A moment of delight in devouring it yourself.

A moment of true sacrifice.  Taking and then giving that what you love away.

A conversation, a negotiation a reprisal.  You’ve opened the door to connect and that’s what the cookie is all about anyway right? Reward, enticement into something sweet.  So go ahead, reach for it.  Let the sweetness of connection draw you in, but be prepared to have your hand slapped.